You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize