I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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