somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
