nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
