the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
