Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
