hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
third nipple confirmed
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
