Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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