well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
