we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
