just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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