apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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