the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I currently don't understand fingers.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize