Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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