I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
