let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
