we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Congratulations! We have a period
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
