Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
