Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
