It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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