What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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