i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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