you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
