I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
