So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
