We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i think i just lost a toe
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
