Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
