Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Never joke about your clitoris.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize