exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
