for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize