STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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