he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
