Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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