the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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