How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
