i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
