I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
even my farts smell like vagina
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
