The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I love you. Go after that dick
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
