Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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