He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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