I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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