omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
