He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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