I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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