I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
