he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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