OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
