those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
