You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
