i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
