Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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