Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
