it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
