She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
