i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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