i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
