I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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