Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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