I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize