And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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