I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
