she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
