Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
