she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
