thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
