Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
zippers are such a cool invention
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
