it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
And then he peed in my hair
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