You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
