Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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