if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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