I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
