You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
