12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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