Me. At least after what I've been through.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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