As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
