Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
