You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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