Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
