I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
