In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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