I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
