david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
