Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
