Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
