My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
