There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
