i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
