Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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