i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
