God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
