After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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