Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize