that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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