That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
